Are You Listening?

Whether it is life-or-death instruction or simple direction for cleaning a messy room, being ignored hurts! We are all equally valuable and should thus respect one another, recognizing there is a time to listen and a time to talk.

Would it not be simple if we could solve our problems by changing others? Focusing on their inattentiveness will not solve anything; focusing on our own lack of attentiveness is the first step toward changing ourselves.

We could learn to be better speakers as well. However, since volumes have already been written on that particular aspect of communication, we will instead focus on the importance of developing the character quality of attentiveness in our personal and professional lives.

Stop What You Are Doing

Even while being attentive with our ears, we communicate inattentiveness by shuffling papers, interrupting, glancing at our watch, reading, or working. Limit other activities when listening. Be aware of your mannerisms and what they communicate.

Value Criticism

When others question your leadership or methods, your response lets them know how you value them. Patiently listen to others and appreciate the value of their words, their motive for sharing, the concepts behind their ideas, or the possible ideas that might result from their input.

Reacting angrily shows that you are not open to input. Responding with calm appreciation, however, lets others know that they have your full consideration. Even when you are unable to act on their words, listening with an attentive attitude communicates that their suggestions are valued.

End Conversations Graciously

Attentiveness to one person or task can become inattentiveness to other people and responsibilities. Finish your conversations in a manner that communicates appreciation for the one speaking with you. Perhaps you could try using a sincere statement like the following:

"Thank you very much for your input. I need to go now, but if you have further thoughts, could you please put them on paper and we can set another time to review them?"

Attentiveness is especially important in meetings and in class. Avoid creating distractions such as interrupting the speaker, looking around the room, shuffling your feet, looking at your watch, or making jokes with the person next to you.

As you practice attentiveness, you can learn from those trying to help you and you can find out how your family members are really doing. Attentiveness can also help you avoid conflicts with coworkers and build the skills to do good work

Attentiveness in Balance

Be Alert to Surroundings

Alertness is "being aware of what is taking place around me so I can have the right responses." Attentiveness and alertness are both important. You may be attentive to the task immediately before you, but if you do not hear the phone ring or see a customer come in, you may miss an important order.

Speak the Truth Boldly

Boldness is “confidence that what I have to say or do is true, right, and just.” Be quick to listen and slow to speak. But when the time comes to speak for what is right, seize it! Develop listening skills by holding your tongue and allowing others to speak first. Contribute to conversation as you get to know those around you. Focus your attention and interest on others rather than drawing it to yourself. When you see a need, be ready to speak and draw attention to the truths that address the need.

Initiate Action

Initiative is "recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it." There is a time to ask questions and a time to act. Do not expect every conversation to end in full understanding. Sometimes you will need to ask questions to make sure you understand the important details. Then, take appropriate initiative with the information you have received.